Tonight, a special report on one of the most fascinating mysteries of this century:
The case of a bucolic New England town that is one day beset by a broadcast of horror and hilarity utterly beyond the comprehension of the profane.
Now, FLASHER! now, NONCER! SODOMIZER, AIDS-STRICKEN!
On, VOMIT! on PUTRID! on, MOLESTER and CHICKEN!
To the top of the pew! to the floor of the stall!
NOW FASH AWAY! FASH AWAY! FASH AWAY ALL!